What would you do?

If you have a real-life topic that bothers you, and you want to discuss it and receive ideas from other people, please let me know. We need each other sometimes to go through difficult times in our lives. The following topics were suggested to me by friends, mostly men, who have been struggling with them for years. These are their stories:

1)  Bob is deeply in love with Elise. Both are in their late thirties and early forties. They have been dating for a couple of years now and thought their love was indestructible, but now that apparent solid love is threatened. Bob wants a child, but Elise doesn’t. Elise says that she doesn’t see why she should try to bring another child in this world when there are already so many suffering children who need help. Her solution is to adopt a child and to love him/her like she would do if she had a biological one. Bob disagrees. He wants his own biological child. He wonders what the power of procreation feels like. He fancies a child that would look like him. His dream is to perpetuate the family line and name. A child he will raise, play with, teach things. He wants to have that feeling that biological fathers have when they look at their new-born baby at the hospital. He says he can’t feel the same with an adopted child. Their relationship is suffering from that dilemma and is on the verge of collapsing. What can they do?

2) The second story is about Paul. He has been with Amber for five years now. Amber had a son with another guy before she met Paul. In the beginning, everything was fine. Paul thought it wasn’t an issue at all. Now Paul is not sure anymore. In fact, Paul doesn’t think she is the one. Why? Well, because she already has a son who is not from him. She is genuinely in love with him and believes that he is the one. Yet, Paul doesn’t want to settle with her and is looking for another woman with whom he can have his own child. The problem is that he doesn’t know how to put an end to that relationship that has been going on for many years. More importantly, he doesn’t want to hurt her. What can they do?

NB: Names have been changed to protect the identity of the people involved.

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